Be Good to Yrself

This is meant to be an interactive flow chart for people who struggle with self-care, executive dysfunction, and/or who have trouble reading internal signals. It's designed to take as much of the weight off of you as possible, so each decision is very easy and doesn't require much judgment. Set aside some time—maybe an hour total—to allow yourself to work through each step. Don't rush or skip ahead. Just follow the directions. Self-care is important, and you deserve to devote some time to it. You may want to go through this routine as soon as you wake up, as a preventative measure. [[I'm ready for the first question.->Food]] --- (text-style:"subscript")[= This guide borrows heavily in content and structure from Jace Harr's original "You feel like shit: An Interactive Self Care Guide" from 2015. Please check out the rest of their work at <a href="https://www.jaceharr.com">jaceharr dot com</a> and considering supporting them on Patreon.

Have you eaten in the last four hours? [[Yes, I've eaten.->Water]] [[Well, I could probably use a snack.->Snack]] [[No, I need a meal.->Meal]]

Snacks are a great way to boost your energy between meals and alleviate hunger. Here are some snack ideas, but anything you have on hand is just fine: * Crunchy: raw vegetables, nuts, seeds, whole grain crackers, popcorn, apple * Creamy: cottage cheese, yogurt, hummus, avocado, banana * Sweet: Fresh or dried fruits, dark chocolate * Savory/salty: cheese, roasted chickpeas, nut butters Remember that you are the only one who knows what your body needs and what will help you feel good. [[Okay, I finished my snack.->Water]]

You haven't eaten in a little while, and your body needs fuel. It's time for a meal. If there's a specific food you want, it's okay to eat it! You know what your body needs and what will help you feel good. No food is bad. [[I finished my meal, and I'm ready for the next step.->Water]] [[I need some help deciding what to eat!->Help]]

Making a meal is hard for you right now, and that's okay! Everybody struggles with cooking sometimes. You have some options: * You can cook a meal for yourself. * You might have leftovers or ready-made meals in the fridge. * You can get take-out or delivery. If you're going to cook on your own, you have to decide what to make. A friend, partner, or family member can help with this. If you feel too hungry to start cooking, try abating your hunger with a snack food. Here are some ideas for easy foods you can eat right now: * Pasta with red sauce, pesto, butter, oil, vegetables, etc. * Rice and bean bowl * A smoothie or protein shake * Ramen noodles or miso soup * A frozen meal * A sandwich with tuna, nut butters, grilled cheese, etc. * Macaroni and cheese * Simple salad * Oatmeal with nuts, fresh or dried fruits, chia seeds, hemp hearts, etc. Take-out, delivery, and restaurants are a little more expensive than cooking on your own, but how you spend your money is your decision. It's okay to spend money on food if you need to eat. You deserve it. [[Okay, I have some food in my stomach. Time for the next question!->Water]]

Assess your thirst. Is your water bottle empty? You should probably go fill it. Would a cup of tea feel good? Take a deep sip of your drink. Drink until you feel like you can't drink more. Staying hydrated is important. [[Okay, I did it.->Sleep]]

Can you take a guess at how many hours you've slept out of the last twenty-four? If you had less than eight hours of sleep, woke up frequently, and/or had nightmares last night it might help you to take a nap. [[I am well-rested. Next question!->Pain]] [[I need a nap.->Nap]]

Are you in any physical pain? Achy? Sore? [[No, my body feels fine.->Discomfort]] [[Yes, something hurts.->Ow]]

Take a nap. You can finish this self-care guide when you wake up. Ideally, let yourself sleep naturally, and sleep until you wake up. If this isn't possible, set an alarm for yourself, with plenty of time to wake up and get yourself together between your nap and your responsibilities. [[Okay, I'm well-rested now.->Pain]]

Is something about your environment distressing or uncomfortable? Are there too many smells? Do you feel claustrophobic? [[Yes, my surroundings are less than ideal.->Environment cleanliness]] [[No, it seems fine here to me.->Cleanliness]]

For aches and pains, take an aspirin or an ibuprofen. You may also want to apply a heating pad or a cold pack on whatever hurts. If you have a stomach ache, try taking a Tums or Pepto Bismol. Hot tea may also help. Be nice to your body, and try to do "replace" the unpleasant pain with some pleasant alternative sensations, like good smells and pleasurable textures. [[Okay, I'm as comfortable as I can be right now.->Discomfort]]

Are your surroundings dirty or smelly? [[Yes, it's gross.->Environment cleanliness]] [[No, it's fine.->Body]]

It's hard to feel okay in an environment that is unfriendly for whatever reason. If your surroundings aren't clean, set a timer for five minutes and take care of the biggest problems, like leftover food, pet messes, or dirty clothes. Chores can be scary and exhausting, but that's not what we're doing here. We're just taking a little five-minute clean up to make ourselves and our homes happier! Try lighting a candle and opening a window. Surround yourself with good scents and sensations. Breathe. Exhale. [[Okay, I cleaned up a little and feel more comfortable.->Body]]

Does your body feel uncomfortable, sweaty, or dirty? [[Yes, I feel gross or unclean.->Body cleanliness]] [[No, I feel fine.->Do you know?]]

Now that we've taken care of the physical reasons that you're not feeling well, we're going to deal with the emotional ones. Obviously, this is a general guide, and can't pinpoint your exact problem. But troubleshooting is a good practice, and we're going to do our best together. Do you know why you're in a bad mood, or not feeling well emotionally? (Remember, any answer is okay!) [[Yes, there's something on my mind.->I do know]] [[No, I don't know the reason.->I don't know]]

Do you have the energy and ability to take a shower? [[Yes, I'll take a shower.->Take a shower]] [[No, I need another solution.->No, I need another solution.]]

Take a shower and get dressed in new clothes afterwards. You'll feel much better! [[I've done that and I'm ready for the next step.->Do you know?]]

If you are unable to take a shower, here are some things to do instead: * Wash your face * Change your clothes * Tie up your hair [[I'm clean and ready for the next step.->Do you know?]]

It sounds like there's something on your mind! We're going to do our best to take care of it. Set a timer for fifteen minutes, and work on getting your feelings out. Physically writing in a journal, typing in your favorite text editor, or talking out loud about what you're feeling while recording an audio log are great ways to get these things out of your mind. Remember that the hardest thing to do is start. Your body will speak if you can make space to listen. [[Okay, I did my best.->Anxiety]]

Sometimes, we don't know the source of our bad feelings, and that's okay. We're gonna work through this together! [[Okay!->Anxiety]]

Do you feel anxious, nervous, keyed-up, paranoid, scared, or on edge? [[Yes, I feel anxious about something specific.->Specific]] [[Yes, but I don't know why.->Non-specific]] [[No, I don't feel very anxious.->Dissociated]]

You're feeling anxious about something specific. That's okay! Set a timer for fifteen minutes and do something to take care of that worry. Maybe chip away at a task that seems insurmountable. You can do it! [[I'd like to try some grounding exercises too.->Grounding exercises]] [[I feel better. Next question!->Dissociated]]

You feel generally anxious, but you don't know why. That's okay! [[Why don't we try some grounding exercises?->Grounding exercises]]

Here are some ideas for grounding activities: * Take deep, calm breaths. * Notice and list things in your surroundings. * Expose yourself to strong, pleasant sensations, like a pleasing smell or a favorite blanket. * Breathe in through your nose, hold it for a moment, then exhale forcefully through your mouth. Try to expel all the air from your lungs in one quick exhale, using your abdominal muscles. (Breath of fire) * With every normal exhale, hum a low tone while trying to make your sternum resonate as much as possible. (Om chanting) * Say out loud your name, your age, the date, and your location. List some things you've done today, or are going to do. * Splash water on your face or run your hands under the faucet. * Do a body scan meditation, or pay close attention to each of your body parts one by one. * Make tea. Feel the warmth of it in your hands, and the taste as you sip it calmly. * Listen to your favorite music with headphones. * Do a Tarot reading. * Write in your journal. * Take a mindful walk, either inside or outside. Pay close attention to your body and your surroundings. * Wiggle around. Dance. Stretch. Be silly and active for a few minutes. * Any other favorite grounding technique you've heard of or can think of. There's nothing wrong with experimenting! [[Okay, I did one or more of these things and I'm ready to move on.->Dissociated]]

Are you feeling dissociated, depersonalized, or derealized? Do you feel far away, foggy, or unreal? [[Yes, I'm dissociated.->Grounding exercises]] [[No, I don't feel like that.->Depressed]]

Are you feeling depressed, sad, or upset? [[Yes, I'm feeling depressed.->Depression antidotes]] [[No, I'm not very depressed.->Lonely]]

Feeling depressed isn't fun, but with some intention we can help alleviate the pain. Don't be mad or disappointed with yourself for feeling depressed. Take half an hour and do whatever you want to do right now with goals of self-soothing and self-regulating. Here are some ideas: * Try drawing, painting or crafting * Watch a show or movie * Play a videogame you like * Pick up a book you're reading, or start that one you've been wanting to start * Play with your pets [[Okay, I've done my best to take care of myself and I'm ready for the next question.->Lonely]]

Are you feeling lonely or in need of attention? [[Yes, I'm feeling lonely.->Loneliness antidotes]] [[No, I'm not very lonely. Next question!->Foggy]]

Everybody feels lonely sometimes. If you're feeling lonely, there's ways to reach out to people! You can talk to someone in your house, or call someone on the phone. Message a friend, or chat in a general discussion channel on Discord. You may want to talk about how you're feeling, or you may not. Anything you want to talk about is okay! Being with other people (or pets!) really helps. If none of these things are possible, try finding a Twitch streamer currently playing your favorite game (and get silly in the chat!). It might also feel good to schedule time with a friend, even if nobody is available to talk right now. [[Okay, I did my best to take care of myself and I'm ready for the next question.->Foggy]]

Are you feeling foggy? [[Yes, I feel foggy.->Exercise]] [[No, my head feels pretty clear.->Reassess]]

If you are feeling foggy, you might need some exercise. Do you have the energy and ability to go for a walk? [[Yes, a walk sounds great.->Walk]] [[No, a walk would be too much for me.->No walk]]

Walks are really good for both our bodies and our minds. Take a walk of whatever length you choose! You're not trying to burn calories or get to a particular destination; you're just taking a pleasant stroll. Try to pay attention to your surroundings, or listen to music and feel it deeply. [[Okay, I am back from my walk and I'm ready for the next question.->Reassess]]

If you can't take a walk, that's okay! Here are some alternatives: * Jumping jacks * Bouncing on the bed * Dancing * Push-ups or sit-ups * Walking up and down the stairs * Yoga * Wiggling, squirming, jiggling around; being silly and active and having fun! If none of those are or seem possible, just sit outside or near an open window for some fresh air. [[Okay, I did some exercise to the best of my ability. I'm ready for the next question.->Reassess]]

Together we've walked through some of your physical and emotional needs for well-being, and have made it to the end of this self-care guide! It's time to reassess and reflect. How are you feeling? Do you have a better idea of what you need? Maybe now that you've done all this self-care, you feel better—great! Maybe you don't, and that's okay too. But hopefully you've cleared things up and you know what to do next to take care of yourself. You're doing such a good job. [[Back to the beginning.->Entry]]